Jesus Was Civil, Not Polite

by Alexandra Hudson

Our world today is defined by two extremes: intense hostility on one hand and suffocating politeness on the other.

A few years ago, I worked in the federal government in Washington, DC, during a very divided season—not unlike the election year we are about to enter. It was then that I learned there’s a difference between civility and politeness and why it’s more important than ever to recognize the distinction.

Politeness is a technique: It reflects decorum, mores, manners, and etiquette. It is neither good nor bad itself, but it can be used for good or for ill depending on a person’s motivation.

At its best, politeness can help mitigate the awkwardness, discomfort, and annoyance inherent in our social lives—but it will only ever apply surface-level fixes and will never be enough to help us navigate or resolve our most profound and important disagreements.

At its worst, politeness can make our disparities worse by fostering feelings of selfishness, pride, and superiority over others. Politeness can be and has been weaponized to penalize difference, silence dissent, and oppress vulnerable voices and populations.

By contrast, civility is a holistic disposition—one that our society desperately needs today.

Civility is based on the fundamental truth that all human beings are created in God’s image and are therefore worthy of basic respect. It sees everyone as inherently valuable and endowed with essential dignity, invoking a general regard for our neighbors and citizens. Civility is rooted in the mutual deference we owe one another as fellow humans and allows us to consider even our enemies as moral equals.

Yet civility can be at odds with politeness, as it sometimes requires that we act in ways that many might consider impolite.

Jesus himself spoke of the perils of politeness and the dangers of being inordinately focused on a polished outward appearance. He constantly exposed and critiqued the religious hypocrites of his day—those who were smug in their self-righteous compliance with ceremonial customs and religious rituals. He knew their meticulousness was merely a cover for their selfishness.

Christ demonstrated that the act of truth-telling isn’t always polite, but it is right and respectful when it speaks the truth in love. He did not hesitate when it came to calling out the duplicity of the Pharisees—who appeared to act well, though their hearts were angry and bitter:

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill, and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy, and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. (Matt. 23:23)